Puck shaves off his mohawk and loses his mojo. Now, even the nerds are no longer afraid of him. So he decides the best way to get his mojo back is to date a popular cheerleader. He sets his eyes on Mercedes. At first, Mercedes rejects his advances, seeing as how they have completely different tastes.
Brittany [on mohawk-shaven Puck]: Who is that guy?
Jacob Ben Isreal: You’re like a toddler with a loose lid on his sippy cup. No more juice.
Puck: What’s the point of living when I suck so bad?
Puck: I feel like that guy who lost all his hair, then lost all his hair.
Santana : Samson?
Puck : Agassi.
Santana: Don’t know if it’s the missing mohawk or the whining, but I’m not turned on at all right now.
Puck: Get ready black girl from Glee club whose name I can’t remember right now. The Puckster is about to make you his.
Puck: I did some research, blacks and Jews have a history of sticking up for each other.
Puck: Girl, you got more curves than a Nissan ad.
Mercedes: Seriously? That’s what you came up with?
Puck: I’m a sex shark. If I stop moving, I die.
Mercedes: Me and you would not work out. You’re top 40. I’m rhythm and blues.
Eventually, Mercedes succumbs to Puck’s charms, especially after Puck sings “Lady is a Tramp”. She agrees to date Puck. When word gets around that Puck is dating one of the most popular cheerleaders at McKinley High, he gets his bad-boy rep back and things go back to the way they were – the nerds are once again terrified of him. When Puck realizes this, he goes back to bullying them and tossing them in the dumpster. Meanwhile, the cat claws come out and Santana fights for her man. She and Mercedes have a sing-off with “The Boy is Mine”.
Quinn [to Mercedes]: At least I don’t have to listen to his stupid theories on how Super Mario Brothers changed civilization.
Mercedes realizes the perils of popularity, and she quits the Cheerios. She doesn’t want to become somebody else for the sake of popularity. She tells this so to Puck.
Sue: Nobody quits the Cheerios. You either die or I kick you off.
Sue: I’ll have to take to the mike and deliver a diatribe. Probably something about immigrants.
Will assigns the kids to each sing a solo. Choice song would have to be something that describes who they are.
Will: The glee club has lost its voice. It’s time for us to get it back.
Rachel: I have chosen Miley Cyrus’ “The Climb” because it’s about overcoming obstacles and beating the odds. In my case, the obstacle is you: my lackluster teammates who refuse to carry their own weight.
Rachel has laryngitis and loses her voice. She gets insanely paranoid and melodramatic, claiming that her singing prowess is the only thing that defines her essence.
Rachel: I’m like Tinkerbell, Finn. I need applause to live.
Finn gets through to Rachel by introducing her to his former football buddy, Sean, who was paralyzed during a game. Sean tells Rachel that nobody is just one thing.
Kurt is undergoing major personality crisis. His dad came to school to pick up Finn so they could watch a baseball game together. Kurt wasn’t invited and he feels jealous. He decides to butch it up because he feels that he’s losing his dad due to his sexuality. Kurt confides to Sue but she wasn’t much help.
Sue: “So you like show tunes. It doesn’t mean you’re gay. It just means you’re awful.”
Sue: You know there’s only person in this world who can tell you who you are.
Sue: No, me. And I haven’t quite decided what to think of you yet.
Sue: “Yeah, you know what? I checked out of this conversation about a minute back. So good luck with your troubles. And I’m gonna make it a habit not to stop and talk to students because this had been a colossal waste of my time.”
Brittany asks out Kurt and he agrees. He brings Brittany home, to further assure his dad of his masculinity.
Brittany: You’re pretty much the only guy in this school I haven’t made out with because I thought you were capital G gay. But now that I know you’re not, having a perfect record would mean a lot to me. Let me know if you wanna tap this.
Kurt: What do boys’ lips taste like?
Brittany: Usually dip, sometimes they taste like burgers — or my armpits. Kissing my armpits is a really big turn-on for me.
Mr. Hummel: “I came home to find this note on your doorknob, ‘Do not enter under any circumstances, I’m making out with a girl.’ I just thought it was the start of one your murder-mystery dinners.”
Kurt: I need you to respect my privacy. Brittany and I were just having sexual relations.
Mr. Hummel: If things get serious, use protection.
Brittany: Does he mean like a burglar alarm?
Brittany: Now I know what it’s like to date a baby.
Towards the end, Mr. Hummel talks to Kurt and tells him that he does accept him for who he is. Kurt doesn’t need to be somebody else in order for him to love Kurt. Kurt goes back to his former self.
Kurt: I’m not a box. There are more than four sides to me.
Show ends with Rachel and Sean and the rest of the glee club singing “One”.
- “The Lady is a Tramp”
- “Jessie’s Girl”
- “Rose’s Turn”
- “The Boy is Mine”