The Glee kids get ahold of Sue Sylvester’s “Physical” video and post it on Youtube. Sue is infuriated because the whole student body is no longer intimidated by her.
Jesse: That’s Olivia Newton-John’s “Physical.” It was pretty groundbreaking at the time, considering its depiction of fluid sexuality.
Jesse: You guys need to stop being such asses and start being bad asses.
Student: Hey, Ms. Sylvester, let’s get physical.
Sue: Not really my type, but I like that attitude.
Figgins[reading comment on Youtube]: The man in this video looks like the champion cheerleading coach Sue Sylvester.
Sue: As soon as I figure out the difference between slander and libel, I plan to file a lawsuit.
Even the faculty of McKinley High are no longer terrified by her.
Sue: What’s that smell? It’s coffee. It’s usually masked by the smell of fear.
Sue [to herself]: You’re being laughed at by a roomful of inferiors whom you used to terrify.
Sue has a new nemesis in the form of Brenda Castle (Molly Shannon), the new astronomy teacher and badminton coach of McKinley High.
Brenda: Well, look who it is. I thought I smelled a laughingstock!
Sue: Don’t start with me, Castle, or I will kick you square in the taco!
Meanwhile, a controversial list called the ‘glist’ is making the rounds at McKinley High. The ‘glist’ ranks students in the school according to how sexually attractive they are to the other students. The Glee kids get blamed for it because the list was photocopied on official New Directions paper. Figgins insists that Will find out which of the Glee kids posted it or else the whole glee club will be suspended.
Sue [to Will]: I might buy a mini-diaper for your chin because it looks like a baby’s ass.
Figgins: I cannot have these shenanigans at this school.
Sue: He cannot have these shenanigans at this school!
Everyone thinks Puck did it.
Puck: I’m a delinquent, sure, I like setting stuff on fire and beating up people I don’t know.. but I’m not a liar, I own it.
Sue’s current situation has somewhat humbled her. We get to see Sue’s sweet side, especially to her handi-capable sister.
Sue: I never really understood how hard it is to be laughed at.. particularly in slow motion.
Sue also helps Emma grow a backbone and to stand up to Will. She informs Emma of Will’s promiscuity with Shelby and April.
Sue: I bribed Will Schuester’s landlord to bug his apartment with baby monitors under his couch. And in his bedroom.
Sue: You nearly married a gym teacher who’s more gravy than man.
Sue: You suck. You take weird little strides when you walk as if you grew up in imperial Japan where they bind your feet.
So Emma marches to the faculty lounge and confronts Will.
Emma: You’re a slut, Will. You’re a slut, you’re a slut, you’re a slut. Everyone should know that.
Sue: Hey man-whore.
Figgins: I’m praying for you, William. We’ve all heard about your gallivanting!
Brenda: I’m an alcoholic and I like pills. I hear that’s your type. Let’s go in the closet and pork!
Artie, Kurt, Mercedes, and Tina feel unimportant because they didn’t even make the glist. They decide to amp up their bad reputation. Brittany joins them because she wants to move up from number 4 on the glist.
Artie: Maybe if we seemed more dangerous people would stop flushing my glasses down the toilet.
Mercedes: Why is she here?
Brittany: I had a cold and I took all my antibiotics at the same time and I forgot how to leave.
The first thing they do is disrupt the peace by singing MC Hammer’s “U Can’t Touch Is” in the library. But, instead of getting angry, the school librarian thinks their performance is cute and even invites them to perform for her church’s Sunday service.
Artie: I’m kind of getting cold feet.
Brittany: Can you even feel your feet?
Next, they decide to admit to Sue that they’re the ones who posted the video on Youtube. However, by this time, Sue got a call from Olivia Newton-John and she gets invited to do a modern “Physical” video with Newton-John. So Sue ends up thanking them.
Artie: We have to do what we’ve been dreading. Something more terrifying than Rachel’s personality.
Sue: Some people like to film themselves getting physical with their partner. I happen to enjoy revisiting the impeccable form of my jazzercise routines.
Rachel is also disappointed in her spot in the glist, which gave her a rating of -5. In order to salvage her reputation, she enlists Artie’s AV group to help her make a video of “Run, Joey, Run”, starring herself, Finn, Jesse, and Puck. The problem is, the three boys did not even know that they would be co-starring with one another.
Rachel: Rachel Berry is about to get sexual promiscuous.
Rachel: In this age of celebrity sex tapes, a good reputation does no good at all.
Artie: You had me at sex tape. How can I help?
Puck: Jesse will never fully know what it means like to be a Jew.
Rachel: I’m ironically turned on by your bad boy image, but let’s keep this professional.
Puck: I’m outta here. Why should I stay if there’s no chance of making out?
Jesse, Finn, and Puck are shocked when they see the video. Finn gets upset with Rachel. Jesse is so hurt, he breaks up with Rachel.
Jesse: That’s the thing about reputations. Everyone thinks I’m a big heart-breaker. But the fact of the matter is, you broke mine first.
Will continues his investigation into the glist matter.
Brittany: I don’t know how to turn on a computer.
Mercedes: Why does everyone assume I’m angry all the time? It’s called being sassy.
Kurt: Mr. Schu, may I be honest with you? Eversince you separated with your wife, you spend your nights watching reruns of Law and Order, don’t you?
Due to his recent ostracization in school, Will figures out that Quinn is the one who posted the list. Quinn feels that she has gone way downhill in the school’s social ladder. She feels she’s now invisible. She just wanted to get recognized again.
Will: A couple of bad choices and you go from the top, to the bottom.
Quinn: A bad reputation is better than no reputation at all.
Will: It takes years to build a good reputation, and only seconds to destroy it.
Quinn: You’re a really good teacher, even if everyone is calling you a man whore.
The episode ends with a rendition of “Total Eclipse of the Heart”, where we see the heartbreak between Rachel, Jesse, and Finn. Who do you think Rachel should end up with?
“Run Joey Run”
“Ice Ice Baby”
“Total Eclipse of the Heart”
“U Can’t Touch This”