Glee Theatricality (Season 1 Episode 20)


Figgins calls Tina and Will to his office. Figgins recently found out that Tina’s look is called goth – which he automatically associates with vampires. He forces Tina to change her look. Otherwise, she will be suspended. Tina complies, but she’s miserable. She feels that she’s lost her identity.

Figgins: American teens are coming down with an enormous case of Twilight fever – transforming normal children into vampires.

Figgins: But Elvis was a Christian. And he did not possess the ability to turn into a bat!

Tina: My mom won’t even let me watch Twilight. She says she thinks Kristen Stewart seems like a bitch.

Rachel has been snooping around Vocal Adrenaline’s dumpster and has discovered that VA is planning to do Gaga at regionals. Will gets a flash of inspiration. For this week’s assignment, the Glee kids will be doing Gaga. That way, they will help Tina get a new look, and at the same time, beat VA by going all theatrical.

Tina: I know who I am and I’m not allowed to show it. It’s like Communism.

Kurt: She changes her look faster than Britt changes sexual partners.
Brittany: It’s true.

Finn gets invited to a surprise party at Kurt’s house. And what are they celebrating? Burt Hummel has asked Carol Hudson and Finn to move in with him and Kurt. Finn gets really upset.

Finn: Is this your way of telling me?

Kurt: If you’re gonna say something, say it loud, right?

Rachel, Mercedes, and Quinn sneak in on a VA rehearsal. VA is doing a Gaga number which does not please Shelby because it lack theatricality. Shelby proceeds to show them what true theatricality by singing “Funny Girl”. Rachel walks over to Shelby and introduces herself.

Shelby: Being theatrical doesn’t mean a nuclear explosion. It’s like a quiet storm.

Rachel: Ms. Corcoran, I’m Rachel Berry. I’m your daughter.

Rachel and Shelby have a heart-to-heart talk. Rachel is clearly joyful at meeting at her mom. Shelby, on the other hand, seems uncomfortable. She dismisses Rachel by telling her that she’ll call later.

Rachel: When I was little and I was sad, my dads would bring me a glass of water. It got to a point where I didn’t know if I was sad or thirsty.

Shelby: This was supposed to feel good. We’re supposed to have some kind of slow motion, running toward each other moment.

Puck wants to name his daughter Jack Daniels. Quinn disagrees and tells Puck that she’s glad she’s giving up their daughter so she doesn’t have to deal with Puck anymore.

Quinn: You wanna name our daughter Jack Daniels? It’s a girl.
Puck: Okay, fine, whatever. Jackie Daniels.

Quinn: This is good for you. Now you can go off and be a rock star.

Kurt and Tina get bullied by two football players regarding their Gaga make-over.

Football player: We’re not gaga for Gaga.

The New Direction girls and Kurt show up for practice in Gaga outfits. Mercedes and Quinn spill the beans about Shelby being Rachel’s mother. Rachel is late and shows up in a ridiculous stuff toy covered outfit.

Puck: 5 min have gone by and she’s not singing something obnoxious.

Rachel: My dads are moving my therapist into our spare room.

Brittany: You look terrible. I look awesome.

Finn also gets roughed up by the two football players.

Football player: Being on the team and on the glee club does not make you versatile. It makes you bisexual.

Rachel goes back to Carmel High to talk to ask for Shelby’s  help in making her Gaga costume.

Shelby: And ladies, I don’t wanna hear about chafing just because you’re wearing metal underwear. Not my problem.

Finn goes to Will and tells him that the guys, with the exception of Kurt, are not really into the Gaga assignment. Finn accuses Will of always doing what the girls want. Will agrees with Finn. So he allows to boys to do a ‘Kiss’ number. While Finn is in his and Kurt’s shared bedroom, Kurt tells Finn about the bullying and asks him to help him out. Finn refuses to help Kurt and they get into an argument.

Finn: We live in Ohio, not New York or San Francisco… or some other city where people eat vegetables that aren’t fried.

Finn: I don’t understand why you always have to make a spectacle of yourself.

Kurt: What is your problem? It’s just a moist towelette!

Will talks to Shelby about her and Rachel. Shelby admits that she can’t have kids anymore due to operations in the past. Also, she wanted Rachel as a baby, not as a grown-up.

Shelby: I want my baby back. She’s an adult now.

Kurt unveils their new room to Finn. Kurt went all out, decorating the room in a Moroccan-inspired theme. Finn goes berserk when he sees the room. He thinks that Kurt is still in love with him and is only too happy to be roommates so he can play peeping-tom on him.

Finn: Are you freaking insane? I can’t live here. I’m a dude.

Finn: Why can’t you just accept that I’m not like you?

Kurt: It’s just a room, Finn! We can redecorate it if you want to.

Finn then goes after some of the room decorations, calling them ‘faggy’. Burt walks in on Finn’s tirade and stands up for Kurt. He tells Finn that he can’t live with them anymore, even if it costs him Carol. Burt tells Finn that his family comes first.

The next day, Finn tries to talk to Kurt, but Kurt doesn’t want to have anything to do with him. Meanwhile, Puck stands in front of the glee club and talks to Quinn.

Puck: You know what? I didn’t care that my dad was a bad ass. I just wanted him to be there.

Puck: While Jackie Daniels is a great name for a power boat or something, it’s not great for a baby girl.

Puck tells Quinn that he wants to name their daughter Beth and asks to be there when Quinn gives birth. He wants to see their daughter. Quinn tearfully agrees.

Shelby visits Rachel. Rachel knows Shelby is there to say good-bye. Surprisingly, Rachel is not sad about the turn of events. She doesn’t feel anything for Shelby either.

Shelby: So how did your dads come up with the name Rachel?

Rachel: They were big Friends fans.

Shelby: We’re never gonna have anything like that. It’s too late for us.

Shelby: It’s because I’m your mother. But I’m not your mom.

Shelby: Let’s just be grateful for one another… don’t think for a second I’m gonna go soft on you at regionals.

Tina convinces Figgins to let her dress up the way she did by scaring Figgins into thinking that she’s a real vampire.

Tina: ….and Asian vampires are the most dangerous of all vampires.

Kurt gets cornered again by the bullies. When they were about to beat him up, Finn arrives, wearing a red shower curtain dress, and tells them to back off. The rest of the glee club arrive behind Finn and back him up.

Finn: I’m proud to be different. It’s the best thing about me.

Football player: The work of freaks is trying to protect the freak queen.

Finn: We’re all freaks together. We shouldn’t have to hide it.

Soundtrack:

  • “Poker Face”
  • “Beth”
  • “Bad Romance”
  • “Shout It Out Loud”
  • “Funny Girl”
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Glee Dream On (Season 1 Episode 19)


The episode opens with Will Schuester getting called to Principal Figgins’ office to meet the newest member of the school board. Turns out it’s Will’s old show choir nemesis, Bryan Ryan, played by Neil Patrick Harris. Bryan is there to inspect the school programs and recommend which ones need to be cut to save school budget. Bryan tells Will that he thinks Glee club should be cut, because it’s useless.

Bryan: I was a featured soloist at King’s Island in Doodledy Doo Musical Review. … Nine years later, I woke up on a urine-stained mattress in the West Lima crack district. Then something amazing happened. I was introduced to Jesus. He was my Honduran social worker.

Bryan: Show choir kills.

Bryan: You can’t feed a child sheet music, Will. I suppose you could, but they’d be dead in a month.

Bryan: Don’t make that face. Global warming is a theory.

Apparently, Bryan has also formed a self-help group for Glee club survivors.

Russell: My name is Russell, and I’m a Glee club survivor. Whenever anything bad would happen, I would just say ‘Let’s put on a show.’ Well, guess what? Puttin’ on a show about your father’s prostate cancer will actually just make him more depressed about the situation.

Bryan asks Will to let him meet and speak with New Directions. He tells the Glee kids that show choir is a waste of time and that their dreams are never gonna come true.

Bryan: Take out a piece of paper and on that paper I want you to write down your biggest dream….Your dream is never gonna happen.

Bryan: Show biz dreams are the most unrealistic of them all.

Bryan: Guess what? His (Will’s) dream didn’t work out. And neither will yours.

Jesse is back after spring break and he and Rachel seem to make up. Jesse asks Rachel what her dream is. Rachel confesses that she wants to know who her mom is.

Jesse: That’s not a dream. A dream is something that fills up the emptiness inside. The one thing that you know that if it comes true all the hurt would go away.

Jesse: You singing Don’t Cry for Me Argentina in front of a sold out crowd isn’t a fantasy. It’s an inevitability.

Tina discovers that Artie wrote “Dancer” as his dream. Since Will didn’t give them any song assignments for the week, Tina asks Artie to join her in doing some dance routines. Artie tries to walk using braces, but he falls on his face and he yells at Tina for pushing him too far.

Artie: I sound like someone put tap shoes on a horse and shot it.

Will invites Bryan out for a drink to convince him to give Glee’s budget back. At the bar, Bryan admits that he misses performing.

Will: You know what gave me the strength to get out of a terrible marriage? Music.

Will: Glee club is not about expressing yourself to everybody else. It’s about expressing yourself to yourself.

Bryan: I have a box of playbills hidden away in my basement, Will – like porn.

Will invites Bryan to try out for a locally produced “Les Miserables” play. They are both trying out for the Jean Valjean part.

Meanwhile, Rachel is convinced that Broadway legend Patti LuPone is her mother. Jesse convinces her that it’s highly unlikely. He tells her that they should go through Rachel’s fathers’ stuffs to get some answers.

Jesse: We need to do a real investigation. Like CSI real.

As they go through the stuff, Jesse secretly plants a tape entitled “From Mother to Daughter”. He pretends to find it and shows it to Rachel. Rachel doesn’t want the tape played because she’s not yet ready.

Rachel: I came in first place.
Jesse: You were eight months old.
Rachel: I was very musically verbal.

Rachel: What if she’s singing on the tape? Or worse, what if she’s better than me?

Artie and Tina go to the mall. While Tina leaves Artie to buy pretzels, Artie fantasizes that he gets out of his chair and dances to “The Safety Dance”. Artie is full of hope that someday, he will dance.

Come audition time for Will and Bryan, Will finds out that Bryan stole his idea and they end up doing a duet for “Dream On”.

We find out that Shelby Corcoran, Vocal Adrenaline’s coach, is Rachel’s mom. It was her idea for Jesse to seduce (or “befriend”) Rachel so that Jesse can slip the tape to Rachel. Shelby wants to meet Rachel but she cannot legally do that until Rachel is 18 years old. Her one regret is never having had the chance to hold Rachel.

Rachel finally listens to the tape. Shelby is singing “I Dreamed a Dream” and Rachel joins her.

Artie meets with Emma for counseling. He wants to be emotionally ready for when the time comes when he can walk again. Emma tells Artie that the truth of the matter is, it might be well into the future before Artie gets cured. Artie dejectedly leaves Emma’s office.

Bryan funnels part of the Cheerios’ budget to the New Directions. Sue is furious and she and Bryan have a confrontation, which ends up in anger sex.

Bryan: Sue, you’re an impressive woman. I can’t tell you how much you turn me on right now. You ever heard of the term ‘anger sex’?

Sue: The only kind I know, Bryan.

Bryan: Should I lock the door?
Sue: No. I’ve got a secret room upstairs … like Letterman.

Bryan excitedly showers the Glee club with materials. But when Sue announces that Will got the part of Jean Valjean and Bryan only the part of townsperson with only one line, he does a 180 and takes back the budget from Glee club.

Bryan: I’ve grown weary of your insults, Will. They sting, and they make me want to punch you in the face.

Will gives up his starring role in “Les Miserables” to Bryan in order to get their budget back. He tells this so to the Glee club.

Artie tells Tina to go find another dance partner.

Artie: I’m never gonna dunk a basketball or kill a lion. I need to focus on dreams I can make come true.

Tina: If you can imagine it, it can come true.

The show ends with Artie singing “Dream a Little Dream of Me”, while Tina does her dance with her new dance partner, Mike Chang.

Soundtrack:

Dream On

The Safety Dance

I Dreamed a Dream

Piano Man

Dream a Little Dream of Me

Glee Laryngitis (Season 1 Episode 18)


Puck shaves off his mohawk and loses his mojo. Now, even the nerds are no longer afraid of him. So he decides the best way to get his mojo back is to date a popular cheerleader. He sets his eyes on Mercedes. At first, Mercedes rejects his advances, seeing as how they have completely different tastes.

Brittany [on mohawk-shaven Puck]: Who is that guy?

Jacob Ben Isreal:  You’re like a toddler with a loose lid on his sippy cup. No more juice.

Puck: What’s the point of living when I suck so bad?

Puck: I feel like that guy who lost all his hair, then lost all his hair.
Santana : Samson?
Puck : Agassi.

Santana: Don’t know if it’s the missing mohawk or the whining, but I’m not turned on at all right now.

Puck: Get ready black girl from Glee club whose name I can’t remember right now. The Puckster is about to make you his.

Puck: I did some research, blacks and Jews have a history of sticking up for each other.

Puck: Girl, you got more curves than a Nissan ad.
Mercedes: Seriously? That’s what you came up with?

Puck: I’m a sex shark. If I stop moving, I die.
Mercedes: Me and you would not work out. You’re top 40. I’m rhythm and blues.

Eventually, Mercedes succumbs to Puck’s charms, especially after Puck sings “Lady is a Tramp”. She agrees to date Puck. When word gets around that Puck is dating one of the most popular cheerleaders at McKinley High, he gets his bad-boy rep back and things go back to the way they were – the nerds are once again terrified of him. When Puck realizes this, he goes back to bullying them and tossing them in the dumpster. Meanwhile, the cat claws come out and Santana fights for her man. She and Mercedes have a sing-off with “The Boy is Mine”.

Quinn [to Mercedes]: At least I don’t have to listen to his stupid theories on how Super Mario Brothers changed civilization.

Mercedes realizes the perils of popularity, and she quits the Cheerios. She doesn’t want to become somebody else for the sake of popularity. She tells this so to Puck.

Sue: Nobody quits the Cheerios. You either die or I kick you off.

Sue: I’ll have to take to the mike and deliver a diatribe. Probably something about immigrants.

Will assigns the kids to each sing a solo. Choice song would have to be something that describes who they are.

Will: The glee club has lost its voice. It’s time for us to get it back.

Rachel: I have chosen Miley Cyrus’ “The Climb” because it’s about overcoming obstacles and beating the odds. In my case, the obstacle is you: my lackluster teammates who refuse to carry their own weight.

Rachel has laryngitis and loses her voice. She gets insanely paranoid and melodramatic, claiming that her singing prowess is the only thing that defines her essence.

Rachel: I’m like Tinkerbell, Finn. I need applause to live.

Finn gets through to Rachel by introducing her to his former football buddy, Sean, who was paralyzed during a game. Sean tells Rachel that nobody is just one thing.

Kurt is undergoing major personality crisis. His dad came to school to pick up Finn so they could watch a baseball game together. Kurt wasn’t invited and he feels jealous. He decides to butch it up because he feels that he’s losing his dad due to his sexuality. Kurt confides to Sue but she wasn’t much help.

Sue: “So you like show tunes. It doesn’t mean you’re gay. It just means you’re awful.”

Sue: You know there’s only person in this world who can tell you who you are.

Kurt: Me.

Sue: No, me. And I haven’t quite decided what to think of you yet.

Sue: “Yeah, you know what? I checked out of this conversation about a minute back. So good luck with your troubles. And I’m gonna make it a habit not to stop and talk to students because this had been a colossal waste of my time.”

Brittany asks out Kurt and he agrees. He brings Brittany home, to further assure his dad of his masculinity.

Brittany: You’re pretty much the only guy in this school I haven’t made out with because I thought you were capital G gay. But now that I know you’re not, having a perfect record would mean a lot to me. Let me know if you wanna tap this.

Kurt: What do boys’ lips taste like?
Brittany: Usually dip, sometimes they taste like burgers — or my armpits. Kissing my armpits is a really big turn-on for me.

Mr. Hummel: “I came home to find this note on your doorknob, ‘Do not enter under any circumstances, I’m making out with a girl.’ I just thought it was the start of one your murder-mystery dinners.”

Kurt: I need you to respect my privacy. Brittany and I were just having sexual relations.

Mr. Hummel: If things get serious, use protection.
Brittany: Does he mean like a burglar alarm?

Brittany: Now I know what it’s like to date a baby.

Towards the end, Mr. Hummel talks to Kurt and tells him that he does accept him for who he is. Kurt doesn’t need to be somebody else in order for him to love Kurt. Kurt goes back to his former self.

Kurt: I’m not a box. There are more than four sides to me.

Show ends with Rachel and Sean and the rest of the glee club singing “One”.

Soundtrack:

  • “One”
  • “The Lady is a Tramp”
  • “Jessie’s Girl”
  • “Rose’s Turn”
  • “The Boy is Mine”

Glee Bad Reputation (Season 1 Episode 17)


The Glee kids get ahold of Sue Sylvester’s “Physical” video and post it on Youtube. Sue is infuriated because the whole student body is no longer intimidated by her.

Jesse: That’s Olivia Newton-John’s “Physical.” It was pretty groundbreaking at the time, considering its depiction of fluid sexuality.

Jesse: You guys need to stop being such asses and start being bad asses.

Student: Hey, Ms. Sylvester, let’s get physical.
Sue: Not really my type, but I like that attitude.

Figgins[reading comment on Youtube]: The man in this video looks like the champion cheerleading coach Sue Sylvester.

Sue: As soon as I figure out the difference between slander and libel, I plan to file a lawsuit.

Even the faculty of McKinley High are no longer terrified by her.

Sue: What’s that smell? It’s coffee. It’s usually masked by the smell of fear.

Sue [to herself]: You’re being laughed at by a roomful of inferiors whom you used to terrify.

Sue has a new nemesis in the form of Brenda Castle (Molly Shannon), the new astronomy teacher and badminton coach of McKinley High.

Brenda: Well, look who it is. I thought I smelled a laughingstock!

Sue: Don’t start with me, Castle, or I will kick you square in the taco!

Meanwhile, a controversial list called the ‘glist’ is making the rounds at McKinley High. The ‘glist’ ranks students in the school according to how sexually attractive they are to the other students. The Glee kids get blamed for it because the list was photocopied on official New Directions paper. Figgins insists that Will find out which of the Glee kids posted it or else the whole glee club will be suspended.

Sue [to Will]: I might buy a mini-diaper for your chin because it looks like a baby’s ass.

Figgins: I cannot have these shenanigans at this school.
Sue: He cannot have these shenanigans at this school!

Everyone thinks Puck did it.

Puck: I’m a delinquent, sure, I like setting stuff on fire and beating up people I don’t know.. but I’m not a liar, I own it.

Sue’s current situation has somewhat humbled her. We get to see Sue’s sweet side, especially to her handi-capable sister.

Sue: I never really understood how hard it is to be laughed at.. particularly in slow motion.

Sue also helps Emma grow a backbone and to stand up to Will. She informs Emma of Will’s promiscuity with Shelby and April.

Sue: I bribed Will Schuester’s landlord to bug his apartment with baby monitors under his couch. And in his bedroom.

Sue: You nearly married a gym teacher who’s more gravy than man.

Sue: You suck. You take weird little strides when you walk as if you grew up in imperial Japan where they bind your feet.

So Emma marches to the faculty lounge and confronts Will.

Emma: You’re a slut, Will. You’re a slut, you’re a slut, you’re a slut. Everyone should know that.

Sue: Hey man-whore.

Figgins: I’m praying for you, William. We’ve all heard about your gallivanting!

Brenda: I’m an alcoholic and I like pills. I hear that’s your type. Let’s go in the closet and pork!

Artie, Kurt, Mercedes, and Tina feel unimportant because they didn’t even make the glist. They decide to amp up their bad reputation. Brittany joins them because she wants to move up from number 4 on the glist.

Artie: Maybe if we seemed more dangerous people would stop flushing my glasses down the toilet.

Mercedes: Why is she here?

Brittany: I had a cold and I took all my antibiotics at the same time and I forgot how to leave.

The first thing they do is disrupt the peace by singing MC Hammer’s “U Can’t Touch Is” in the library. But, instead of getting angry, the school librarian thinks their performance is cute and even invites them to perform for her church’s Sunday service.

Artie: I’m kind of getting cold feet.
Brittany: Can you even feel your feet?

Next, they decide to admit to Sue that they’re the ones who posted the video on Youtube. However, by this time, Sue got a call from Olivia Newton-John and she gets invited to do a modern “Physical” video with Newton-John. So Sue ends up thanking them.

Artie: We have to do what we’ve been dreading. Something more terrifying than Rachel’s personality.

Sue: Some people like to film themselves getting physical with their partner. I happen to enjoy revisiting the impeccable form of my jazzercise routines.

Rachel is also disappointed in her spot in the glist, which gave her a rating of -5. In order to salvage her reputation, she enlists Artie’s AV group to help her make a video of “Run, Joey, Run”, starring herself, Finn, Jesse, and Puck. The problem is, the three boys did not even know that they would be co-starring with one another.

Rachel: Rachel Berry is about to get sexual promiscuous.

Rachel: In this age of celebrity sex tapes, a good reputation does no good at all.

Artie: You had me at sex tape. How can I help?

Puck: Jesse will never fully know what it means like to be a Jew.
Rachel: I’m ironically turned on by your bad boy image, but let’s keep this professional.
Puck: I’m outta here. Why should I stay if there’s no chance of making out?

Jesse, Finn, and Puck are shocked when they see the video. Finn gets upset with Rachel. Jesse is so hurt, he breaks up with Rachel.

Jesse: That’s the thing about reputations. Everyone thinks I’m a big heart-breaker. But the fact of the matter is, you broke mine first.

Will continues his investigation into the glist matter.

Brittany: I don’t know how to turn on a computer.

Mercedes: Why does everyone assume I’m angry all the time? It’s called being sassy.

Kurt: Mr. Schu, may I be honest with you? Eversince you separated with your wife, you spend your nights watching reruns of Law and Order, don’t you?

Due to his recent ostracization in school, Will figures out that Quinn is the one who posted the list. Quinn feels that she has gone way downhill in the school’s social ladder. She feels she’s now invisible. She just wanted to get recognized again.

Will: A couple of bad choices and you go from the top, to the bottom.

Quinn: A bad reputation is better than no reputation at all.

Will: It takes years to build a good reputation, and only seconds to destroy it.

Quinn: You’re a really good teacher, even if everyone is calling you a man whore.

The episode ends with a rendition of “Total Eclipse of the Heart”, where we see the heartbreak between Rachel, Jesse, and Finn. Who do you think Rachel should end up with?

Soundtrack:

“Physical”

“Run Joey Run”

“Ice Ice Baby”

“Total Eclipse of the Heart”

“U Can’t Touch This”